Who's Stressed?

Yesterday, Hubby went to a clinic in Intramuros to get his medical exam. This means that he is starting the procedures for his next overseas contract. His crewing manager informed him that his tentative schedule of leaving is first week of January or earlier, but only after Christmas (I pleaded him to insist that he leave after Christmas since he was not here last year).

The thing why I'm stressed is that I'm feeling the signs of my upcoming period. :(( Today is my cd 29 and I expect Aunt Flo to visit me tomorrow. We only have one cycle left in our journey to conception. Aside from the fact that TTC is stressful on couples, the fact that Hubby is leaving soon adds more stress. I'm thinking if we can't conceive now, I will have to wait another 9-10 months to start again.

There are times when I just say to myself to let it all go with the wind. I will not be so hard on myself because I admit, I do it all the time. I'm very strict with myself especially during the past months of TTC. Going to the province is lessened to avoid the unnecessary fatigue that comes with travelling. I criticize myself whenever I eat unhealthy food or forgot to drink herbal tea.

I dread the coming holidays. It means family gatherings, dinners with friends, etc. I don't want to be asked the state of my (non) pregnancy. If I can just say to them, "When the time comes that I get pregnant, I will not make it a secret." Sigh.

I think it's time to stop and release eveything to God. Hubby and I did all that we can to conceive.  If now is not the time, then we just have to let it be. As always, we shouldn't forget that God's plans are always best and perfect.