Waiting for an Open Window Part 1

Photo credit: http://wallpaperswide.com

In 2013, my husband and I stopped having fertility treatments. Not only was it expensive, it was emotionally exhausting. After taking several rounds of Clomid, follicle monitoring sessions, taking an HSG, two IUIs, a year of acupuncture, tons of Chinese herbal tea, we decided that it was enough for us now. Whew!

We put our plans on hold to have a baby. I resigned from a stable employment to stay at home and start doing freelance work. Most of our income was put into doctors' fees, laboratory fees, medicines, and transportation costs. We're thankful that God gave us the resources to pursue treatments which we thought would help us conceive.



When we started consulting with an infertility specialist in 2010, we were full of hope and we were positive we'll get pregnant at the soonest. But, after several months of failing to conceive, it just zaps out all of that energy.

Slowly, we came to a decision that it was time for us to start living our lives together as husband and wife. We were so caught up in our TTC journey that we postponed building our home and wasnt' able to enjoy our short time together. 

My husband was now open to adopt a baby if there's no biological baby for us in the future. It broke my heart when he told me that. I know he wants to have a child with me. He's the one who's more excited and looks forward to bringing up a kid in this world. He adores his niece and nephews. We've done everything we thought could help us conceive, but if it's not in the cards for us, then we accept that, albeit with a bit of sorrow in our hearts.

Last year, we moved into our house. We occupied the first floor of our two-storey house since construction is not yet complete. New home, new life, new beginnings. We finally live on our own. Many hoped that we would be lucky in our own home and get pregnant there.

And we DID!

I missed my period last December (my first!). Every single day that I moved past my expected menstrual period day, I gave thanks to God and heave a sigh of relief. I thought, finally this is it! I planned not to tell my husband yet and surprise him on Christmas but he knew immediately. He knows I have regular menstrual periods and he asked me about it. So I cave in and told him I was a few days late. We were over the moon!

After a week's delay, we bought a couple of pregnancy test kits and I tested on separate days. Since I was so excited, I got the first test wrong. I used the back side of the kit! It was early dawn when I tested so I was a bit sleepy then. When I fully woke in the morning, I used the correct side of the kit and it showed a faint second line. We waited a couple of days and tested again. Now, there were two distinct lines! We couldn't believe it at first.

We went to an OB GYN. The doctor said I was 6 weeks pregnant and I should come back the following week for an ultrasound. My husband wasn't able to meet the OB since he was still waiting to process my HMO card. :S

I was excited to get our baby's ultrasound. We'll be able to see our little baby in my womb.

Since our baby was too small at 7 weeks, I had a TVS during the ultrasound so the machine could detect the baby. The radiologist showed me my baby in the monitor and the little constant flicker on the screen was the baby's heartbeat, he said. It looked like a soft eye lash waving slowly. He said that the fetus measured 6 weeks, a week later than what I thought was my baby's fetal age. 

I felt like crying, but I stopped myself. Not there, lying while having the TVS instrument inside. Where was my husband? He was paying for the ultrasound fee. Another :S

I got the print out of my ultrasound and tried to imagine my sesame seed-sized baby in that black and white picture.