Waiting for an Open Window - The Last Part

Inay and I went to my OB and told her about my condition. Dra. did an internal examination of my pelvis and she said that it was a good thing my uterus wasn't open. 

She diagnosed "Threatened abortion." I was stunned! You don't want to hear the word "abortion" when you've waited so long to have a baby.



As I sat on the chair in my OB's clinic, I told myself to calm down and don't cry in front of the her. Think about something else. I'm in the hospital, everything will be fine. Whatever it was my baby was experiencing, the hospital has a solution for it.

My OB told me that I should be confined so I can be put on complete bed rest. I wasn't allowed to go home and get my things. I was immediately brought to the Emergency Room while Inay went to Administration for some paper works.

As I was lying and waiting in the emergency room, I couldn't stop myself from crying. My husband was having a training in Manila and it was hard for me to text him what was happening to me and our baby. I tried to focus on other things, but I could not. I kept thinking, God gave us this baby. Nothing can harm our baby. We were able to conceive without knowing it, surely, the baby was ours.

After a few hours, my gurney was wheeled to the Ultrasound room. I had a TVS and on the screen, I saw the image of my womb with two small sacs. The radiologist told me that I had twins, but he couldn't detect any heartbeat. He added that the sacs were too small for its fetal age of 8-9 weeks. I told him that there was a heartbeat when I had my first ultrasound, but he said he couldn't detect them then.

I had mixed emotions. Surprised that we were able to conceive twins. Grief, since they weren't able to survive. When I went back to my room, I told Inay of the result while crying. She told me to relax and wait for my OB. Crying would not help my condition.

I knew then that I would have to have a D&C. I didn't know why, but I kept thinking about the words "dilation and curettage" while I was waiting in the emergency room. After my ultrasound, I couldn't stop crying in my room. My OB called Inay. While she was on the phone, I had a gut feeling that indeed the twins were gone and they would be removed from me that day.

Inay came back with tears in her eyes and told me that Dra. would be performing my D&C that afternoon. We couldn't stop crying. I still have tears even now as I write this post.

Two nurses wheeled my gurney into the Operating Room. Whenever a nurse asked why I was crying, I cried more. When my OB and anesthesiologist arrived, they made light talk so I wouldn't worry too much, I guess. 

The anesthesiologist even told me, "'Wag ka na umiyak. Baka pag dating ng panahon, ako rin mag-anestesya sa 'yo dahil nagpapa-ligate ka na." He told me that his friend waited several years to conceive and after four yearly pregnancies, she decided to have a tubal ligation.

My OB did an internal examination again and she said that my cervix was already open. Even if the medicine to keep my cervix close was administered intravenously, my cervix still opened. She said it was a good thing since if my cervix remained close, I would need a regional anesthesia wherein the medicine would be administered into my spine.

I had a general anesthesia so I didn't know what happened to me during the D&C. I woke up vomiting and felt a nurse putting tissue and wiping my mouth. I felt groggy and a fetal position was the most comfortable position for me. I was wheeled again to my room, in time for my husband's arrival.

My husband was confused as to why I looked weak as the nurses put me back on my bed. All along, he thought that I would only be in bed to rest. I didn't inform him about my situation and only told him that my OB advised me to have a complete bed rest. How could I tell my husband, the one who was excited to come back home after an overseas contract to a baptism, that our baby was now gone? How could I say the news without breaking down? I realized that I love him so much that as much as possible, I didn't want to break the sad news to him.

With just a shake of my head, he knew. He hugged me and he asked me about my condition. So I cried more. I was touched that he was more concerned with me and easily accepted that maybe it was not the right time for us to have a baby.


*Today marks the second month since we gave our twin angels back to Heaven.

Read more:
Waiting for an Open Window Part 1
Waiting for an Open Window Part 2