Evil Envy Strikes Again

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Last year when my husband and I started seeing a fertility specialist, one of the doctor's patients were husband and wife who were both my batchmate in high school. Being an awkward person in such situations, I tried not to notice them in the small waiting area as much as possible. That's just me. I'm socially inept when it comes to people I've known in the past. Also, I'm insecure of seeing a fertility specialist. Though I knew they were there for the same reason as we did, I just avoided the chance to open up the issue and make small talk about it with them. Good thing Hubby is the more social one when we're in the province, he and the husband was the one who chat.

The reason of the title. Hubby and I decided to stop in the meantime the fertility workup due to stress and he would be starting his contract overseas. A month or so after that, I saw on Facebook that the couple was able to get pregnant! I admit, I was saddened and envious of this. I shouldn't feel that way, I know, but that was the truth. I told myself to be happy for the couple, they've been married longer than us and like most couples, they also deserve to have a baby. I should be happy. I was sad for a few days.

Now, I saw pictures of the wife with her big tummy. If my calculation is correct, this is her due month. I can't help but think that if I was able to get pregnant at that time we were seeing the fertility doctor last year, I also will have a big tummy now, awaiting my baby's birth anytime soon.

Alas, it's not supposed to be and I have to not think about it. God has a different plan for Hubby and I and I shouldn't compare myself to her. I must be joyful for her baby's birth and not be envious of it. I, too, will have my time soon.